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Friday April 2nd 2010

Environment and Extraneous Variables:
Once more into the breach… We venture deep into the bowels of Critical Chianti Consumption, to offer up our humble opinions, emanating from the untrained taste buds (taste-icles if you will) of homosapious vino novicias.

We spend another Friday evening at Andrew’s kitchen table, again joined buy Jeff (from around the way) who “has some splainin to do”, as he has not become an official follower on either the Facebook or Blogspot pages. We will most likely consult our governing body, known only “The Order”. Consequences are usually quick and sever.

Dinner for this FNCC meeting was provided by momscasserole.com. Check out the website and order any or all of the offerings. We had the Lazy Lasagna, which was a culinary delight. It was enough to feed a family of four, a hearty and satisfying dinner, in about 30 minutes, without all the work. I’ve had several of the other dishes, on the menu, and I definitely suggest giving them a try, with special not to the Perogy (Midwest and east coast natives more likely to be familiar with that one).

Some of the evening conversation centered on the shows\cartoons we grew up watching. It’s pretty clear that many of these shows would no longer grace the airways. Some definitely lacked the tact and cultural complexity that many of us understand today. Take a moment and think about your childhood viewing. Characters such as; Fat Albert, Hong Kong Phooey, Speedy Gonzalez to name but a few (of course I’m aging myself) were after school and early Saturday morning viewing. It’s hard to believe but perhaps someday we’ll look back and feel bad about today’s assortment of cartoons. We’ve been making a mockery of sponges for at least ten years now. But the old theme song, you can’t beat’m.

To the wine cellar Robin…

San LeoninO
Chianti Classico 2006
$15.98 Bevmo

Initial Impressions:
"Rattles around in your mouth, then settles down nicely" -SP
“Warm, like the inside of a Tauntaun” and “easily imbibed and easily forgotten” -AP
“Tastes pretty good” and “It’s a funny looking girl” – JM

Descriptive terms:
Heavy, heavy handed, like a plastic umbrella, ludicrous, bunny rabbits, brown M & M’s

Character Comparisons:
Jack Sheppard (Lost)
Tori Spelling
Curious George
John Denver

Overall Rating and Conclusions:
AP rates it with 3.27 corkscrew turns.
SP rates it with 2.91 corkscrew turns.
JM rates it with 3.5 corkscrew turns
OVER ALL RATING 3.22666666666666666667 corkscrew turns

Some closing thoughts on this Chianti: It seemed a “middle of the road” selection, yet evoked the “always something there to remind me” reaction to its consumption. If that doesn’t make any sense, don’t feel bad. I will just say that after going over the notes for this wine, the definite lack of cohesion made it impossible to have a strong recommendation one way or the other. I was struck by the utter lack of commitment, by any of the three of us. I know, shocking for a group of men to have an aversion to making some kind of commitment, but 2 out of 3 are very dedicated family men and the third does not have the level of influence on the others to create such ambiguity. So the old saying “it’s not you, it’s me” can be turned on its head. I definitely feel it was a problem with the Chianti and not the reviewers.
As always, we powered through the bottle, seeking any facet to sink our teeth into. What we came up with is; We did and would drink without trepidation, but would not make any decisive moves to consume again.

We will be taking a week sabbatical, to cleanse our pallets and free our minds. Be seeing you. Remember “any wine that does not kill you” clearly was not thrown directly at your head.




Gabbiano Reserva
Chianti Classico 2005
$16.99 Bevmo



Initial Impressions:
"A postal explosion of mediocre flavor" -SP
"The Parent Trap" – JM


Descriptive terms:
Open and honest, Dr. Evil’s head (smooth), a wool sweater worn on a foggy morning, cheese whiz and organic. (can’t say there’s much cohesion on this on either)


Character Comparisons:
Sade
Peter Parker
Jaime (from Get Smart) not the evenings conversation above.


Overall Rating and Conclusions:
AP rated it with 3.12 corkscrew turns.
SP rated it with 3.98 corkscrew turns.
JM rated it with 3.7 corkscrew turns.
OVER ALL RATING 3.00

In the final analysis, the Gabbiano Reserva Chianti Classico 2005 was labeled as “not a strong finisher”. It bursts onto your tongue, with a hint of enthusiasm, only to break your heart like so many before. Like the opening riff to Kenny Loggins song.

Friday March 26, 2010

Environment and Extraneous Variables:
The house that Andrew built, or that he at least pays rent for. Back to an old standby for dinner, couple Round Table Pizza pies. One was pepperoni and the other mushroom. Mmmm mmmm good! Our buddy Jeff from around the way came back to join us this time. He brought us a nice selection of Chianti, though he clearly hadn’t read our blog from the first night (see Friday January 8th 2010 Da Vinci 2007). We drank it anyway, because, why not?
A couple supporters joined early in the evening via the internets (a series of interconnected tubes that carries information around the planet). We also started a Facebook group page so please join that as well. Believe me, you will be missing out if you don’t.
Again, we were a bit relaxed on taking notes on these three wine, so if these entries feel a little thin. Please, contact the FNCC’s SWC office.
We would be criminally negligent in failing to mention the passing of an American icon and one of Simon’s all time heroes. RIP Corey Haim. Your work on ….. Will forever be…. Well rest in peace.

Oh wait; I really liked The Lost Boys, kinda.

On a more political note…
I will personally dedicate one class of wine to the passage of the health care reform bill.

Alright then, to the wines….



Nozzole
Reserva 2005
$23.70 Safeway


Initial Impressions:
"A bit like wet sawdust" -SP
“Nozzoletoff, I say” & “It feels like a solid left hook” -AP
“Flighty” – JM

Descriptive terms:
Ethiopia, cajone grande, Saturday morning pizza, the vultures are circling and bread with butter

Character Comparisons:
Manny Pacquiao
Sean Connery
Mickey Rourke (makes another appearance)



Ratings and Conclusions:
AP rates it with 3.00 corkscrew turns.
SP rates it with 3.25 corkscrew turns.
JM rates it with N\A
Overall rating - 3.125 corkscrew turns




Isole eOlena
Chianti Classico 2005
$18.99 Bevmo



Initial Impressions:
"Like swallowing a delicious silk scarf" -SP
"Not what I expected, especially the surprise ending" –AP


Descriptive terms:
Greasy but nice, wispy, round face with a flat bottom, elegant, melty and full figured


Character Comparisons:
Dean Martin
Sour Patch Kids
Brad Pitt
Corey Haim (it had to be done)


Ratings and Conclusions:
AP rated it with 4.75 corkscrew turns.
SP rated it with 4.5 corkscrew turns.
Overall rating - 4.625

Sooooo… yeah. There were three bottles this evening. Comments were minimal to non-existant. See you next time.

Friday March 12, 2010

Environment and Extraneous Variables:
Casa de Pane with a random selection of music from a fairly well loaded Ipod (160 gig). Two bags of Kettle brand potato chips. Bag 1: A saucy little number infused with a taste of Asia. I give you: Spicy Thai flavor. Bag 2: A classic nod to the heyday of potato chips, with a little twist. Salt and Freshly Ground Pepper.
We also had a special guest for the evening. He will be known as “Jeff, from around the way”. He is and intriguing fellow with strong ties to the San Jose area, a taste for wines of a more fruity nature (not meant as a personal description) and a vast knowledge of wine\music pairings. Not sure what his commitment to the FNCC will be. For now, he is a welcome guest and some of his thoughts and opinions will be included in our reviews.



Ecco Domani
Chianti 2007
$10.99 PW Market


Initial Impressions:
"Damit" -SP
"Thanks for the wine Simon (hear hint of sarcasm)” -AP
“Spit, don’t swallow” - JM

Descriptive terms:
Chemicals, what glue would taste like if it was decanted, rounded fat smell, real-bad, baseball glove leather and it suuuuuux….


Character Comparisons:
Carrot Top
George W. Bush
David Hasselhoff (drunk and eating a cheeseburger on the floor)
Simon Cowell



Ratings and Conclusions:
AP rates it with 1.00 corkscrew turns.
SP rates it with .50 corkscrew turns.
JM rates it with .52 corkscrew turns
OVER ALL RATING .6733333333333333333 corkscrew turns

One of our well trained staff walked away with the feeling that this wine was in some way surgically enhanced. It left the a bad taste in our mouths, like seeing a really bad hair plug job on someone you already don’t like or a botched collagen injection to the lips of a boss you don’t respect. Furthermore, it is strongly suggested that you keep this one away from children or any loved ones that you’d like to keep in your life.



Lamole Di Lamole
Chianti Classico 2006
$9.99 Trader Joe’s



Initial Impressions:
"A fine Nigerian Chianti" -SP
"I am at a loss for words after that swallow" –AP
“Here’s to swimmin with bow legged a woman” - JM

Descriptive terms:
Thin, flimsey, rusty, silly, candy, watered down, smooth with a bitter aftertaste and easily swallowed


Character Comparisons:
Pee-Wee Herman
O. J.’s alibi (yes it’s not true to form but don’t be so rigid)
Mickey Rourke


Ratings and Conclusions:
AP rated it with 2.75 corkscrew turns.
SP rated it with 2.75 corkscrew turns.
JM rated it with 3.10 corkscrew turns
OVER ALL RATING 2.86666666666666666667 (or something) corkscrew turns

We had very little to say about this one. It might have been because we were on our second bottle or the introduction of a new player at the table. The level of discourse both increases and devolves as you add glasses of wine and number of participants.

Friday February 26, 2010

*The FNCC begs the forgiveness of our loyal and morally rooted followers. There is but one Chianti reviewed this week, as one of the members (Simon) accidentally purchased a non-Chianti wine. He has been made to pay for his transgression in the manner any secret society, cult or quilting club would. The details, of said punishment shall remain confidential, as they are too gruesome for the general public to stomach. It suffices to say that, the victim... I mean transgressor is "missing parts".

Peppoli Chianti Classico
2006
BevMo $21.99

Environment and Extraneous Variables:
Andrews house: Whole wheat pasta, with bell peppers, baby bella mushrooms and Italian sausage. Freshly cleaned kitchen and table, Bill Withers: Lean on Me, the Best of Bill Withers followed by The Buena Vista Social Club bumpin through the Ipod-docked clock radio. I know y’all gettin’ jealous. The evening evolved to the viewing of “Idiocracy”.
If you have not seen this movie, put it in your Que, rent it, or pirate a copy (just kidding FBI). It’s an informative, prequel-docu-comedy with a sagacious (look it up) glimpse forward. It’s Nostradamus meets Darwin meets Beavis and Butthead. See where we are headed if FOX News, tea baggers (yes there are multiple meanings) and the intellectual hating nut bags continue to dumb the masses down. Ok sorry bout that. That’s a different blog. Just see the movie it’ll make you laugh and quite possibly wet your pants. On to the Chianti…

Initial Impressions:
"Shuck it Trebek, shuck it long and shuck it hard" or
“I wanna leave this in my mouth longer than usual” –SP

"Hey Rockeee, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat… See, nuthin up my sleeeeve" or
“It’s nice, from top to bottom, front to back and side to side” -AP

Descriptive terms:
fruity, leathery, un-hurried, confident without arrogance, cucumber cool, game-changer, buttery, pitch perfect, nicely done and of the earth.

Character Comparisons:
Billy D. Williams (as Lando)
JFK (pre Texas trip)
Michael Corleone
Natalie Portman (in The Professional)


Overall Rating and Conclusions:

AP rating 4.75 corkscrew turns. (CST's)
I’ve given this the highest rating of all the Chianti’s we’ve tried. I do this a tad reluctantly. “Why”? you ask. To that I say, because as good as it was, it posed not challenge to my taste buds. and let’s face it, Chianti is nothing if not a challenge to drink. So the fact that this one was so good, I had hard time keeping it in the class: Chianti.

SP rating 4.00 corkscrew turns. (CST's)
I really liked it. But it’s not worth leaving your wife for.

An Explanation

The following five posts are the result of one nights work. The first open house was held some weeks ago at Andrews house. Mistakes were made. Lessons were learned and jalapeno poppers were eaten. I must also say that this was the night that I may have developed a strange allergy to jalapeno poppers, as the next day I awoke with a mysterious headache and sensitivity to noise and light. Fortunately I was able to stave off the reaction some hours later with some Advill and coffee. But, back to the explanation....

I will be the first to admit that Andrew was remiss in his duties as a record keeper. You can see as the evening progresses that he slipped from our stringent scientific method of descriptive discovery, into the blunt fumblings of incoherent nonsense. Ultimately of course this lead to disgrace. We have failed you loyal and beloved readers. But let me nobly say, you cannot just blame Andrew, in my own way, I too am at least 15% to responsible. This blog recounts that nights fateful events. The names have been changed to protect the innocent - except for one girl whose name I can remember anyway.

As I look back now I can clearly see how that much Chianti is seldom a good idea. Tommy (name changed) and Sha'quilla (name changed) had already arrived. I added by bottle of Reserva to Tommys Messera, Andrews Aceno and Sha'quillas D'aquino. The wines were decanted as tradition called, glasses poured and a toast made. It was all going to be so perfect. We were so innocent.

Perhaps is was heady Campbell atmosphere, or the balmy february evening, but when Sasha (name changed) showed up with Tiffany (might be her name, I can't remember - but it probably was something like that) no-one spoke up when they brought a bottle that was not Chianti!

I wish I could say I put up more opposition, but Sasha and Tiffany were very persuasive. "try it" they said "no one will know" they said. I flashed back to the motto I tried to live by instilled in me by my father: "Just say No, if it's not at least 75% San Giovesse". But it seemed so new and exciting. I had heard all the other cool bloggers were doing it so, how much could one glass hurt? I didn't want to seem "uncool" so i tried it. The shame.

Well, I am hear to tell you avid and captivated readers that Andrew fell from grace that day. I slipped a bit too. But like a phoenix from the flames we are determined to get back on track. The FNCC will reconvene and reestablish its core beliefs and principles. We will have another open night with a strictly enforced code of conduct and ethics. We will develop a stronger "anti non Chianti" curriculum that will be taught in all k-12 schools in the bay area. We will have a new positive and more catchy motto: "Don't be lazy: make it 75% San Giovesse!"

But most of all, devoted and hapless readers, we will return to our initial format that you can trust to bring you the best in Chianti reviews. Your wine is in good hands; and those good hands belong to the arms of Simon and Andrew. They are our hands. Mine and Andrews. With wine in.

It started innocently enough....

Chianti Classico Riserva

2006
Nob Hill $16.99

Environment and Extraneous Variables:
Andrews house: A warm and welcoming home filled with the treasures collected from an eccentric lifetime of adventure and curiosity. He has an xbox and a big TV.

Initial Impressions:
"I am initially impressed" -SP
"I am at a loss for a good reason not to like it" -AP

Descriptive terms:
Heavy, fuller than other, like a fat clown.

Character Comparisons:
Bobo (the fat clown), Some other fat clowns.

Overall Rating and Conclusions:
AP rating 3.75 corkscrew turns. (CST's)
SP rating 4.25 corkscrew turns. (CST's)

You gotta love this bad boy. It'll put a pie in your face, squirt you with water and then kick you in the nuts. Then you'll ask for another glass.