An Explanation

The following five posts are the result of one nights work. The first open house was held some weeks ago at Andrews house. Mistakes were made. Lessons were learned and jalapeno poppers were eaten. I must also say that this was the night that I may have developed a strange allergy to jalapeno poppers, as the next day I awoke with a mysterious headache and sensitivity to noise and light. Fortunately I was able to stave off the reaction some hours later with some Advill and coffee. But, back to the explanation....

I will be the first to admit that Andrew was remiss in his duties as a record keeper. You can see as the evening progresses that he slipped from our stringent scientific method of descriptive discovery, into the blunt fumblings of incoherent nonsense. Ultimately of course this lead to disgrace. We have failed you loyal and beloved readers. But let me nobly say, you cannot just blame Andrew, in my own way, I too am at least 15% to responsible. This blog recounts that nights fateful events. The names have been changed to protect the innocent - except for one girl whose name I can remember anyway.

As I look back now I can clearly see how that much Chianti is seldom a good idea. Tommy (name changed) and Sha'quilla (name changed) had already arrived. I added by bottle of Reserva to Tommys Messera, Andrews Aceno and Sha'quillas D'aquino. The wines were decanted as tradition called, glasses poured and a toast made. It was all going to be so perfect. We were so innocent.

Perhaps is was heady Campbell atmosphere, or the balmy february evening, but when Sasha (name changed) showed up with Tiffany (might be her name, I can't remember - but it probably was something like that) no-one spoke up when they brought a bottle that was not Chianti!

I wish I could say I put up more opposition, but Sasha and Tiffany were very persuasive. "try it" they said "no one will know" they said. I flashed back to the motto I tried to live by instilled in me by my father: "Just say No, if it's not at least 75% San Giovesse". But it seemed so new and exciting. I had heard all the other cool bloggers were doing it so, how much could one glass hurt? I didn't want to seem "uncool" so i tried it. The shame.

Well, I am hear to tell you avid and captivated readers that Andrew fell from grace that day. I slipped a bit too. But like a phoenix from the flames we are determined to get back on track. The FNCC will reconvene and reestablish its core beliefs and principles. We will have another open night with a strictly enforced code of conduct and ethics. We will develop a stronger "anti non Chianti" curriculum that will be taught in all k-12 schools in the bay area. We will have a new positive and more catchy motto: "Don't be lazy: make it 75% San Giovesse!"

But most of all, devoted and hapless readers, we will return to our initial format that you can trust to bring you the best in Chianti reviews. Your wine is in good hands; and those good hands belong to the arms of Simon and Andrew. They are our hands. Mine and Andrews. With wine in.

It started innocently enough....

Chianti Classico Riserva

2006
Nob Hill $16.99

Environment and Extraneous Variables:
Andrews house: A warm and welcoming home filled with the treasures collected from an eccentric lifetime of adventure and curiosity. He has an xbox and a big TV.

Initial Impressions:
"I am initially impressed" -SP
"I am at a loss for a good reason not to like it" -AP

Descriptive terms:
Heavy, fuller than other, like a fat clown.

Character Comparisons:
Bobo (the fat clown), Some other fat clowns.

Overall Rating and Conclusions:
AP rating 3.75 corkscrew turns. (CST's)
SP rating 4.25 corkscrew turns. (CST's)

You gotta love this bad boy. It'll put a pie in your face, squirt you with water and then kick you in the nuts. Then you'll ask for another glass.

It all gets fuzzy at this point

Chianti Classico Aceno
2005
Bevmo $16.99

Environment and Extraneous Variables:
Andrews house; A mysterious lair, dark and foreboding but not without it's charms. Many is the poor wretch that was drawn in by the smell of pizza, only to be cast out more miserable than before because it had glimpsed what could have been. We also ate jalapeno poppers.

Initial Impressions:
"Daddy likey" -SP
"This is hardcore Chianti" -AP
"I would prefer you did not write anything down I say. Stop writing that down" -TC

Descriptive terms:
It is a bit bitey, A tongue warmer,

Character Comparisons:
A werewolf - but a tame one.

Overall Rating and Conclusions:
AP rating - Unknown
SP rating - Unknown

I did not write anything down which means it was either really good or really bad.

It starts to unravel..

Chianti Messere
2007
Bevmo $9.99

Environment and Extraneous Variables:
Andrews house: A joyous and happy home. A place were a thousend photographs echo back to the happiness of yesterday. A place to hang your hat, rest your feet, and use the bathroom if you absolutly must.

Initial Impressions:
"It is heavy on my tongue" - SP
"Richer" - AP

Descriptive terms:
Also like boobies (See Chianti Di Vinci 1/8/2010)

Character Comparisons:
Unknown.

Overall Rating and Conclusions:
Unknown.

A Complete Fiasco

Chianti D'aquino
2008
Trader Joes $4.99

Environment and Extraneous Variables:
Andrews house: A silky den of infamy, filled with shadowy and shameless characters. Each of them, guardians of a thousand mysteries, keepers of a million dreams and some of them, quite drunk.

Initial Impressions:
"Not as bigger fiasco as i thought" -SP
"Use it as a marinade" -AP
"I didn't say it wouldn't taste like garbage..." -TC

Descriptive terms:
Happy go lucky, blissful in its naivety,

Character Comparisons:
Sweet Willy; The happy hobo.

Overall Rating and Conclusions:
AP rating 2.0 corkscrew turns. (CST's)
SP rating 2.25 corkscrew turns. (CST's)

It tasted like weak grape juice. It should get an honorable mention for being the our first Chianti served in the the traditional "basket bottle" (called a fiasco - hence my hilarious pun). Other than that, it was shite. Thanks for bringing this little gem TC.

A radical splinter group is formed.....

Villa Antinor -something
2006
Bevmo $20.20

Environment and Extraneous Variables:
Andrews house; A huge imposing structure in the center Campbell. This mighty erection dominates the skyline, the dreaming spires of which can be seen as far away as Nova Scotia to the north, and Cape Town to the south. And it has a brown door.

Initial Impressions:
"Like melted chocolate wine" -SP
"Quatro Formagio" -AP

Descriptive terms:
Unknown.

Character Comparisons:
Unknown.

Overall Rating and Conclusions:
AP rating -Unknown.
SP rating -Unknown.

Unknown.